Change will affect this blog going forward.
Future posts will neither name nor show family or details about family celebrations and milestone. While earlier posts showing family haven't been removed, names have been changed to granddaughter, grandson, daughter or family.
Why?
To make a long story short, this action resulted from the reaction of some family members to a since deleted 2023 post. Showing and naming family members wasn't new on the blog and has been done as long as this blog has existed. When family was shown, a link was sent to those included, if not, they would remain oblivious to posts. There was never any kickback.
What Changed?
The after-holiday post contained photos and names and a link was shared with the family who were there. Next came a backlash of angry texts and emails from several who berated me for going public and asked/demanded the post be deleted.
Their reactions seemed extreme. The family member in question when contacted, confirmed other family knew of the trip. This detail was shared, but failed to mollify the complainants as the post had not been deleted after their initial texts/emails. In hindsight, a rather stubborn reaction on my part.
What to Do?
Let go of my stubbornness, delete the post, send an apology to avoid further conflict, explain that earlier posts would be edited to remove names and that family would be excluded from future posts. All actions needed to soothe tempers and tensions, theirs and mine.
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| Beatrice & Grenville Boyd |
In an aside, a comment was made that we hid behind online aliases. So, if any new or long time readers of this blog are unaware, my name is Dorothy, my husband is Patrick.
The blogger names, Beatrice & Grenville, were chosen years ago after two Boyds Bears figurines from our collection. The blog name, Frog & PenguINN, was a fun name for our former VA home in which we had many frog and penguin figurines. We still do, but not as many.
While the reactions were surprising, change is not an issue. This blog started as a way to recount our experiences, travels, adventures, home life, so it returns to that focus.
If you've read this far, thanks. There's no right or wrong. After hesitating to share this reason for change, full disclosure seemed the best approach.
Change happens all the time. For example, a Tuesday post earlier this week showed photos from a weekend snowfall of nearly 15-inches in Nashua, NH.
38 comments:
Family, at times, and some members particularly, can be a pain in the you know where.
A similar thing happened to me a long time ago. It was a friend, who didn’t want me to blog about a motorcycle group because of conflict within the group. I didn’t write about the conflict, only fun things we did together. He wanted all mention of the group removed. I was stubborn for a short time but decided, in order to keep the friendship, to remove all posts pertaining g to that particular group.
Beautiful rainbow!
So happy to see the rainbow after the storm, both "storms"...both the weather type and the family type. We all have them. Thankfully as of yet no one in my family has objected to my including them or their pictures in my posts. However, that being said, most of them don't ever read my posts that I am aware of anyway. LOL. I think we all get a bit too comfortable in our blogs with each other and enjoy sharing our life's adventures and family news maybe too easily. I know I do. I guess we don't always realize how sensitive others may be to their privacy and personal issues that they think they are keeping private. In this day and age there really isn't a lot of privacy left. Our cell phones overhear our conversations and send us ads online for something we may have mentioned in conversation that we were looking for...just happened to me today. So I guess we all get a little paranoid about "Big Brother" watching us. I enjoy your posts, all of them, and enjoy seeing your family members when you visit. I hope you will be able to continue, with some discretion to protect those who may object, but still, we all understand and appreciate your openness and candor. It is a point well taken for all of us to consider. Amazing how fast that snow washed away!!! Wow!!! Just in time for more to come I think! Take care and keep smiling. We enjoy hearing from you.
I enjoy reading your posts as often as I can. Whether you're sharing about family, or things in town, trips, funnies, trivia, movies, etc... it's all nice. And while Beatrice & Grenville are sweet names... I think we all know your true names are Dorothy & Patrick. No drama with aliases, they are just cute and have relevance because of your collection. Sheesh.
I can understand there being various family concerns over public posts, if too many details are given. Some blog anonymously, or don't share certain things, and for safety reasons that's all ok if one is very worried about that. Your situation seems a little different, and I agree that reactions were a bit extreme. If one person objects to being shown or named, then it would be respectful to not show or name them, but I wouldn't necessarily want to stop sharing all family celebrations you enjoy and are part of. Those are joyous events and you have long time friends here who probably look forward to reading about them. Of course, your family and your blog, so your decision and everyone would respect that.
Nice photos! We got a lot of rain and some bad winds, but no snow.
~Mary
What a shame but understand the concerns regarding privacy. The photos of the river view are a contrast to the snowy ones. I wish you a peaceful rest of the week.
Thanks for the frank explanation of ho you are dealing with family issues. I always enjoy whatever you post, and understand that going forward you'll do a few things differently. Perfectly ok with me. Be safe with winter's blasts.
your views from your windows always amaze me. awesome views, awesome shots. I sat shaking my head at this post but fully understand some do not want their photos on the internet and you did what you should have done and did it well. I know it had to be hard, but congrats on doing it.
My brother and his wife have absolutely refused to have their names or pictures on the internet. they are the only 2 people i know other than my husband, who have no prescence on the web other than the one the govt posts which is all the info of being registered to vote. if you run my hubbys name or theirs that is all that comes up. I feel they should not be putting that out there since these days a crazy person could stumble on your political preference and throw a molotov cocktail through your window.
sorry about the family tift and those of us who have known you since 2009 will know who is whom. ha ha...
I started by keeping ourselves more or less anonymous but realized a long time ago that it was silly. If someone among 8 billion strangers can tell that Sue and John are who they are and where they are, well more power to them.
Oh dear. I’m sorry for all the drama you endured, but I understand. I obviously use an alias (it’s French for my real life nickname) and I do not share names of my family. When I first started blogging, I didn’t even share pictures of myself or divulge where I lived. I’ve eased up over the years, as most of my followers are long time folks. But, I still do wonder if setting my blog to private would be wise. I just don’t want to miss out on meeting new bloggers. It’s definitely a conundrum.
I'm sorry the reaction got heated. I'm in the same camp as Anvilcloud, I don't worry about it. It seems some people do need drama.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. And with family, too!! It seems from what I have read that they should have been much gentler. I have known other bloggers that this has happened to, like being refused to post their grandchildren. They seem to be rather picky and maybe kind of alarmists. But I think you did exactly the right thing! All must be put in the past, as family is so important and so is forgiveness. Though it is impossible to forget. Anyway, I do ramble on! I love the rainbow, and it looks like it covers an entire city! You get a great shot!
We did what we must for family! Everyone has his/her way of handling personal info in blogs. Whatever way you handle it, I will follow! Cheers!
I'm glad things have been straightened out. People can be very upset about being online--even only in pictures, let alone named. I try to avoid it at all costs. I try generally not to talk about other people in my blog, too. Dagan and Leah are the only ones I mention regularly. Whew! Family can be a delicate subject. We like to hear what you two are up to so I am glad you haven't let this cause you to stop blogging!! :)
Bravo for your conclusions for your family on the blog.
I guess I figure that Big Brother already knows all about me and my family. I don't put last names in my posts but those that know me already know most of my family anyway.
I will continue to share what I think is interesting, funny or my memories and I will continue to enjoy your posts and fantastic photos of where you live and the things you and your sweet husband do.
Thanks for your candor.
Sue
I once had an unpleasant incident with a young relative. I mentioned (without disclosing name) in a post in my blog, her rude behavior towards me. I was not aware at all that she was following my blog.
When she told me that she was even placing sometimes comments under Anonymous I got enraged, and I said something implying "get your hands off my blog", for which she repaid me with 'Sharmouta' (arabic word meaning Slut). Now, she's an engineer by proffession, a highly educated young woman !!! You would never expect someone with her background to react like that, even amid a quarrel.
Hi Beatrice, Luckily we haven't had any identity squabbles. Of course I only use the first names of family members or others included in my posts and that helps. Many of the family members are more 'careless' in the sense that they post family photos on Facebook and it isn't hard to ID children from those posts. Love the photos! Take Care, Big Daddy Dave
I think it is wise not to put personal information online.
Oh dear, sorry about the family problems.
Love that rainbow:)
All the best Jan
What a dust up! That said, I've always been very careful about privacy, not naming son nor deceased husband, rarely using more than initials for friends, always cropping out street, car and house ids. I never put a person's face online without permission and never ever children's faces. You can still show and tell plenty within these boundaries, though.
I doubt if any of our blogs are targeted for identity theft! We're pretty small. But there are no situations too small for drama seeking relatives to jump on! As you found.
One big advantage to using relationships rather than names is that readers can tell who you're talking about. I've given up on some blogs where I can't keep track of the cast of named characters without footnotes.
I am always amazed at your views out the window. It has to be special to live there. I always take shots out of the hotel windows of the cities we stayed. I look out like a farmboy in amazement.
Sorry you had to go through all that drama over something they missed caring about in the past.
Your new policy is a good one.
I keep my security circle tight, no family, friends, neighborhood, mentions by name, activity, and such. I tell folks about my blog, and tell them if they comment, I won't post it because it is a safer way to blog. Others don't have that rule. That's good for them.
I think once a community of bloggers develops, then we should consider a members only blog. There are about 2 dozen plus regular bloggers I could open a members only blog, but the idea needs to be discussed.
I think that's a good thing to do. No sense getting people upset, although sometimes people get very sensitive about things like that. Right or wrong, but they do. And I am surprised you don't have any snow left. Wow. We're still white here. hugs-Erika
I for one have always enjoyed seeing photos of your family celebrations. It's a shame that some of them became irate merely because you were proud to share good times. Sensitivity seems to be like a plague nowadays - and it really irks me.
You're not the only one who has this problem. I know several other bloggers who managed to enrage their relatives by posting photos of them.
Fortunately, your blog posts are always fascinating without family photos, so keep up with your travel adventures. Life is too short and precious to bicker about trivial things.
Big hugs, Jon
I forgot to mention that I love the rainbow photo.
I think you did the right thing. There are risks involved which I don't understand. I have been changing private information.
The concerns about privacy have gotten a little ridiculous, but I can understand that people are worried. Personally, I don’t worry about my name because well, we used to have something called a phonebook that published everybody’s name and address. Now our addresses are slightly more private, but they are a matter of public record, if you own a home for instance. Privacy is an illusion.
By the same token, we’re always being told to change passwords, and make them impossible to remember so we don’t get hacked. That is also an illusion. Unless your password is extremely simple, people have much easier ways of getting your data. My identification has been “stolen” at least six times, and it never involved my password. It was always a case of a database being sold in some sneaky way. Once was a government database from a job I had 30 years ago! Another time it was a health insurance company database. I refuse to stay awake worrying about it.
I have had family members who were displeased with certain things online. That is why I don't use my real name or family members' names. I wish you well in trying to protect your family and friends.
I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. A few years ago I had similar complaints and had to remove several posts, though I never shared personal details. I naively thought they would be happy to be able to get photos of our gatherings, but I was told off royally and under no circumstances was I ever to share them again. Some don’t mind, others do so now I only share our immediate family who are out on the media themselves. I am okay with that and it keeps the peace. You have my sympathy for having to go through the unpleasantness of it and I certainly understand what you went through. I always enjoy your posts and these photos are outstanding as always.
How to write about family members in our blogs is a tricky issue. I refer to my sister or brother-in-law or niece without naming them. I refer to Jenny but only in very general terms as she doesn't like being written about. Given that we write about family members without getting their consent, they might very well have objections and I think those objections should be responded to. But my family members don't know about my blog and don't read it so I can be fairly frank about them.
I like your blog and am new to it. You are wise to avoid sharing family on blog.pictures especially. Just not safe. Keep writing. Brenda
Well, that sounds like an overblown reaction, given the type of things you share. It's not like you're passing on their address (available online with a google search if you know the last name and an idea of the geographical region) or social security or VISA number (and we all know how easily VISA is to be hacked). It's particularly ironic when quite often the same people who complain think absolutely nothing of putting their lives on Facebook, tiktok, and Instagram. (Everyone thinks that just goes to "friends" but we all know that isn't true!) So many are over-sensitive these days and have a lower anger point, something to which I think the media and the recent political climate contributes in great part. (I especially see that anger in drivers!) Those worried about their privacy give up far more of it just by having a cell phone and social media account that by photos in a family blog that doesn't reveal deeply personal data.
You have to do what you need to do to keep the peace, but if you want to share photos, perhaps under the circumstances it would be easy enough to say (at the beginning of an event) "Anyone care if I do a post about this?" and if they do, just don't show that person. It's a tough call and one you'll have to navigate but I have to see someone else control your content. Fortunately, you have so many other interesting things that you won't be short of content to satisfy your happy readers like me! (Actually, your family posts are quite rare, mainly around holidays and celebrations)..
Communication shouldn't end in berating angry texts and accusations of pseudonyms etc...oh Dorothy...sorry this happened. ♥
Families are complicated! It is a shame that you were the target of angry accusatory messages, that is never pleasant and completely uncalled for.
this is upsetting to read how family can react on one's post which has only single purpose to share beauty and comfort that one finds in family gatherings.
i am sorry dear Dorothy that you had to face such childish objections and inappropriate behaviors from family members!
this seems unfair to me .
i admire and respect how patiently you respond and then decided to make some changes eventually . as blogging person i feel concerned things can be dramatic like this sometimes even if intentions are sincere .
i am familiar though some people get in trouble by posting argumental stuff on FB about friends but blogland can be such thing was beyond my imagination.
believe it or not i wait photos taken from your balcony :) what a Majestic view and river from window looks divine wow !!!
thanks for sharing these as they reduced
the intensity of post little bit :)
wishing you all the best for everything you are up to :)
hugs and blessings!
Oh my! I ask permission to post photographs of family and friends. I rarely do
it, but when I think it's something I'd like to share, that's my practice. I don't do it on the blog, but do much more often on Instagram.
On a different note, love the rainbow photograph.
I've been busy and haven't kept up with all the posts on all the blogs I try to read. Just read your thank you post to commenters and had to go back to see what you posted earlier.
Since I've been circumspect from the start at daughters' request not to name or show the faces of grandchildren, I do realize that you have been very open all along so to change now must be hard. When we moved to NH Emily asked that I scrub my blog for place names which I did. Her concern was for her daughters which I could understand.
Good luck going forward as you reset your standards.
It's a tough call when blogging about family. I used to blog a lot about my dad during the last years of his life, but I only talk about family when it's about happy stuff.
I reverted the first 10 years of blog to draft for that very reason. In this case it was my children who were so angry. Yeah. I could have been stubborn, but at what cost? I did not help that I had a very intrusive commenter. When I spoke of a trip to see my grand daughter, he googled their town, and described a fictional meeting at a local playground. Unfortunately it was a park they actually spent a lot of time at, and my son and daughter-in-law freaked out. It was strange. One thing led to another. It was quite an uproar.
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