Sad News in Twos

Sad news arrived the end of last week, twice.

Both concerned the passing of friends. The first was a long-standing friend, Linda, who lived in Washington, DC. Both NJ natives, we met as reporters for a weekly newspaper. As our working careers and lives diverged and we lived in different cities, we kept in contact through visits, phone calls, messages and mail.

The second was a fellow blogger, Vickie Swanson, known as Vee on her blog A Haven for Vee and she was met through her blog posts. This past Friday, a fellow blogger, Abby, posted the news of her passing on Vee's blog with a link to her obituary. There's a guestbook where a message can be written for the family to read.  Also, comments can be left on the blog post .

While Linda and Vee had never met, in death they shared a couple of commonalities. Both were the same age (69) and both waged a multi-year battle with breast cancer. They sadly lost this war leaving behind family members that included a spouse, adult children and grandchildren.

Of course, the older we get, it's inevitable that we will witness the passing of beloved family members and that of dear friends, which includes fellow bloggers as well.

What makes my friend Linda's passing even harder is not having had a chance to have said goodbye and to have offered condolences to her family. That's because I only learned of her late May death last Thursday. She hadn't responded to a June birthday card and several text and voice messages, a couple left as recent as last week. Her voice message played but a message said the mailbox was full . Most likely others who had no knowledge of her death had left or were trying to leave a message. 

I get the bad news online. Earlier, I had searched for her husband, John, fearing the worst as he's ben dealing with MS in recent years. Nothing was found and I never checked for her name. An uneasy feeling led me check last Thursday and the first "hit" was her obituary. Reading it knocked me for a loop, Linda's family created a loving testament to her life and passions, with a link to a website remembering Linda through family photos, where friends could post too.

My message was a belated condolence and explanation that had we known , we would have attended the DC services. Ironically, it was on Patrick's birthday when we were in Cape Cod. W would certainly have changed plans. While my regret is in not having been informed, I understand the family had so many other things to attend to in their time of grief.

I only knew Vee through her posts and as a relative newcomer to her blog. While her posts had been infrequent, I always checked for a current one, which is how I learned of her passing.

Address book of friends 

Why am I sharing? Partly to relieve my sadness at the passing of Linda and Vee. Each was special to many others. But, mostly to share that if you want family to contact friends after your (sorry to say) inevitable passing it might be good to share a friends listing that information with a friends listing. 

In the past few days, blog reading has taken a back seat to sending messages, calling, writing cards and notes, more often than usual, to long-distance friends. I don't want to be someone who, when learning of someone's passing, says "wish I had been in touch." While I am immensely saddened by my friend's death, there's no regrets about not having been in contact over the years.

Certainly like most others, I have contacts on my cell phone, but also keep an old-fashioned name and address book. Entries now are made in pencil vs. ball point pen as there does come the time to update or delete an entry. Does anyone else still use pen and paper address books?

As far as a blog update, Grenville is a co-administrator on this blog. While he posts less often now, he would be able to post any needed update.

On a brighter note, fellow blogger, Jon, has posted his gratitude for everyone's well wishes.  To answer a blogger's question, he's still in Cookeville Medical Center for the foreseeable future. Several bloggers have indicated they will or have posted a card and, as anyone who has been hospitalized knows, these will be much appreciated.

Life Goes On

Until it doesn't.

It started off as a good day with a morning trip to the gym to finish an audiobook.

Like most of my days, it did not start with listening to or reading the news online. 

Ignorance is bliss when it comes to starting the day off peacefully. 

Recently, many others have said as much and called the news depressing.

Today, that was even more so with the killing of 19 schoolchildren and 2 adults in Uvalde, TX.

Sadly, this school shooting follows ones in 2012 (CT), 1999 (CO), 2018 (FL) 2007 (VA) which killed nearly 100 students and teachers overall.

Most were young with full lives ahead, some children only 6 to 7 years old. 

The latest murder spree comes 4 days after a Buffalo, NY mass killing left 10 dead.

When does it end?

Is gun control the answer or more awareness of mental health issues?

Who knows?

Sadly, there doesn't seem to be a clear-cut answer with advocates for both. 

The world mourns together for lives senselessly lost.

Normally, this blog avoids commenting on current events, as opinions and attitudes differ.

Today, like so many others, my head and heart are filled with much sadness.

Comments have been left on. Collective expressions of grief can be beneficial.

It's All in a Word

And, that word is Sad 😢.

Whenever anyone hears it word usually followed by news there's already a mental connect made that nothing good will follow.

Most recently, a blogger listed on my Blog to Explore sidebar began a post that way. The news
was not good at all. I will not go into detail here.

I am sure that Lorraine who blogs at Mama's Mercantile would appreciate words of friendship and support. If you click on the link, you can read more in her own words. And, you will learn much about this very talented and creative lady. 

Meanwhile, many of you have offered and continue to offer support and friendship to another blogger friend, Rita of SoulComfort's Corner. She has made remarkable progress after her initial medical diagnosis and continues to update on her blog.

There are certainly many in the blog world who know, or have known, bloggers who are no longer active online for health or other reasons. 

Words may seem of small comfort when the unforeseen happens and lives change suddenly, but friendship is all encompassing. While it can be difficult to know the right words of support to offer at difficult times. Visits in any form are welcomed, both to and from friends we may never meet personally. 

Remember that a gesture of friendship, no matter how small, is always appreciated.

Horace Jackson Brown, Jr. (Life's Little Instruction Book)

Enjoy Your Weekend, Everyone

(Comments are off.)

Thoughts & Prayers

There's no easy way to say a final goodbye to someone, whether family or friend. Sometimes we have to say goodbye without ever having said hello in person.

Sadly, I share with all of you that a fellow blogger, Mildred, passed away earlier today. Although, we never met, she was my friend, and saying goodbye is just as hard. While some see things differently, I don't need to have met someone to consider him/her as a friend. Strangers are just never-met friends.

Some of you may also have known Mildred through her blogging. She had several over the years, her most recent blog was called Laurel Wood (which she removed when her illness progressed). Although Mildred was no longer blogging, we exchanged emails, short on her part and longer on mine (it seems I'm never at a loss for words). She told me of being very tired and spending most of the time in bed. Last week, another blogger friend emailed an update that Mildred was in a Hospice House. Today, she informed me of Mildred's passing. She leaves behind her husband, John, several family members, and her beloved pets. At Mildred's request, there will be no memorial services.

It's been said that a door closes another one opens. Through a shared friendship with Mildred, I've met another blogger friend. A new friend never replaces, but adds to our collective friendships. 

As mentioned before, bloggers are a caring community. I know that Rita would appreciate your support and well wishes if you should pay her a blog visit.

You will be missed, Mildred, my friend. 

For anyone who would like to send a card or message of condolence to Mildred's husband, John, and/or to her niece Brooke, often mentioned on her blog, please contact me at my blog email. I have their home addresses, but would not post here. It may be of comfort to her family to hear from blog friends. I'm sure they would share with other family members as well.

Another Blogger Gone

Yesterday, I received an email message from a fellow blogger with very sad news😢

It said that because of a spouse's declining health, both the blog and personal email address were being removed. Some bloggers may already know the situation as the blogger also sent the email to others as well, providing a bit more detail. Those details will not be shared here. For privacy reasons, the blogger's name, gender and the blog name have been purposefully omitted in this post. 

As soon as the email was received,I sent a reply which came back as recipient unknown. The blog also was no longer online as it had already been removed. It has been removed from my sidebar list.

This is the third fellow blogger in as many months who has bid farewell. Words seem of little comfort when the unforeseen happens and lives change suddenly, as they often do. 

If any of those former bloggers read this post, know that our thoughts, prayers and well wishes go out to you. Now, more than ever, it's important to know that others care. 

(Comments are off. There's nothing more to add.)

Friendship and Loss

We lost a very special friend on the VA eastern shore this weekend. Many have undoubtedly felt similar losses. Good friends are like family members, except they're the ones you got to choose. That's how we felt about Marty and her husband, Robert.

Marty, passed away Sunday night within a week of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She called to give us the diagnosis, concerned how we would take the new that she had been given 6 weeks (or less) to live — a short time that was sadly far shorter.

After that call, we considered returning to VA, a 12-hour drive from NH. But, we had a family wedding in NYC this past weekend for which all arrangements had been made. When we told Marty that we considered cancelling those plans to visit, she insisted that we go, have a good great time and tell her all about it. Family was everything to her and always came first. She raised 7 children on her own after the death of her first husband.

Marty started painting 10 years ago after moving to the VA eastern shore from NC and soon became an accomplished artist. She exhibited in local shows and that's how we all met. (Grenville and I were also exhibitors.) Robert was always there to help out too.
Here's some of her art: Autumn Light and Inlet at Assateague.

This Burton Shores watercolor hangs in our apt. It was treasured when received, and even more special now. 

We socialized with Marty and Robert often and she didn't dwell on the fact that she was dealing with increasing health issues in recent years. Marty wanted to know what everyone else was doing. She was caring, cheerful and always positive. While our get-togethers were less often after our move, we kept in contact between trips back to VA.

If anyone could have beaten the odds, we felt it would be Marty. During our last phone chat, she told us she didn't fear death, but leaving friends and family. 

Friendship is a priceless gift. Loyal friends listen to your sad tales or share your good news. They care because they want to, not because they have to. We cherish close friends as we do our family. When they're gone, we mourn the loss of that special bond.

Our friend is gone, but not her memories; they are ALL great — Smile. She always did.

Remembering Anne

This week marked a sad event in our combined families with the death of Pat's Aunt Anne who died on Tuesday at 87.

We fondly remember special times.  

Aunt Anne loved celebrating holidays. She always sent a card and, despite a limited income, always gave small gifts. When folks excitedly thanked her, she was even happier.

Small joys are the best.

More than anyone, Aunt Anne enjoyed her birthday celebration. She would forewarn family members months in advance of the November date.

No one ever forgot her special day.

Aunt Anne's special passion was a (very) large magnet collection. She delighted whenever someone brought her a new one for her ever-expanding collection displayed on metal boards. Every one was special and she made you feel special because of her delighted comment, "I love it" always said when she received a new one.

And we all loved Aunt Anne. She remains in our fondest memories.

Dorothy (Beatrice) & Pat (Grenville)

In Her Memory

In a pre-holiday post, I wrote that due to a family health issue and out of state travel, we would be taking a temporary blog break. Comments were off then (as now). Pat and I knew that your collective good wishes would be with us. 

The family crisis was my mother's unexpected hospitalization in our home state of NJ. Sadly, she passed away a few days before Christmas. She collapsed in her home, and thankfully my brother was with her. She was transported to the hospital, which is listed as the "official" place of death. Although my mother had been in failing health the past few years, she refused to reside anyplace else. Her desire was to die "at home" and we know that is exactly what happened.

The passing of a loved one, family or friend, is a sad event, even more so at the holidays. I know that my mother is now free from pain, suffering and most of all, I know that she is reunited with my father, whom she's missed since his passing over 30 years ago. Despite that loss, she maintained a strong and independent spirit. While not "tech-savy" in terms of computers and the like, she could tell "what was what." She kept current on world-wide events, watched the nightly news, and read the paper daily.

My mother was 92 years old. Two years ago, she told us wanted to celebrate her 90th year with a blowout birthday party surrounded by family and friends. It was a memorable occasion for everyone especially her. 

I believe that my mother celebrated a wonderful Christmas even though she was not with us. My fondest wish is that she know how much her family loved her and admired her strength, wisdom and generous spirit.

Mom, we love you and are already missing you. You will always be with us in memory and spirit till we meet again one day.

(Thanks to fellow bloggers who sent private emails of concern which were much appreciated by myself and my family.)

Dorothy

Sharing a Loss

Many of us have formed friendships through blogging. We become friends online and a loss is always deeply felt.Losses are experienced as profoundly as when we have lost a family member or personal friend.

Sadly, last night, I learned that a UK blogger, Sandra, aka Technogran (Technogran’s Tales) died after a long battle with cancer. Technogran shared her computer and photo know-how through several blogs. Her personal posts candidly related her battle with cancer and raising Kerri, her daughter, who has Downs Syndrome. They shared many adventures.

Sandra’s blog and photo albums remain online as of today when I revisited them. Be forewarned that if you visit, you might find yourself spending several hours there. Sandra was a prolific blogger, except in recent weeks.