Sad News in Twos

Sad news arrived the end of last week, twice.

Both concerned the passing of friends. The first was a long-standing friend, Linda, who lived in Washington, DC. Both NJ natives, we met as reporters for a weekly newspaper. As our working careers and lives diverged and we lived in different cities, we kept in contact through visits, phone calls, messages and mail.

The second was a fellow blogger, Vickie Swanson, known as Vee on her blog A Haven for Vee and she was met through her blog posts. This past Friday, a fellow blogger, Abby, posted the news of her passing on Vee's blog with a link to her obituary. There's a guestbook where a message can be written for the family to read.  Also, comments can be left on the blog post .

While Linda and Vee had never met, in death they shared a couple of commonalities. Both were the same age (69) and both waged a multi-year battle with breast cancer. They sadly lost this war leaving behind family members that included a spouse, adult children and grandchildren.

Of course, the older we get, it's inevitable that we will witness the passing of beloved family members and that of dear friends, which includes fellow bloggers as well.

What makes my friend Linda's passing even harder is not having had a chance to have said goodbye and to have offered condolences to her family. That's because I only learned of her late May death last Thursday. She hadn't responded to a June birthday card and several text and voice messages, a couple left as recent as last week. Her voice message played but a message said the mailbox was full . Most likely others who had no knowledge of her death had left or were trying to leave a message. 

I get the bad news online. Earlier, I had searched for her husband, John, fearing the worst as he's ben dealing with MS in recent years. Nothing was found and I never checked for her name. An uneasy feeling led me check last Thursday and the first "hit" was her obituary. Reading it knocked me for a loop, Linda's family created a loving testament to her life and passions, with a link to a website remembering Linda through family photos, where friends could post too.

My message was a belated condolence and explanation that had we known , we would have attended the DC services. Ironically, it was on Patrick's birthday when we were in Cape Cod. W would certainly have changed plans. While my regret is in not having been informed, I understand the family had so many other things to attend to in their time of grief.

I only knew Vee through her posts and as a relative newcomer to her blog. While her posts had been infrequent, I always checked for a current one, which is how I learned of her passing.

Address book of friends 

Why am I sharing? Partly to relieve my sadness at the passing of Linda and Vee. Each was special to many others. But, mostly to share that if you want family to contact friends after your (sorry to say) inevitable passing it might be good to share a friends listing that information with a friends listing. 

In the past few days, blog reading has taken a back seat to sending messages, calling, writing cards and notes, more often than usual, to long-distance friends. I don't want to be someone who, when learning of someone's passing, says "wish I had been in touch." While I am immensely saddened by my friend's death, there's no regrets about not having been in contact over the years.

Certainly like most others, I have contacts on my cell phone, but also keep an old-fashioned name and address book. Entries now are made in pencil vs. ball point pen as there does come the time to update or delete an entry. Does anyone else still use pen and paper address books?

As far as a blog update, Grenville is a co-administrator on this blog. While he posts less often now, he would be able to post any needed update.

On a brighter note, fellow blogger, Jon, has posted his gratitude for everyone's well wishes.  To answer a blogger's question, he's still in Cookeville Medical Center for the foreseeable future. Several bloggers have indicated they will or have posted a card and, as anyone who has been hospitalized knows, these will be much appreciated.