While it's true that last Christmas was truly the first without her, that time was filled with decisions and arrangements to be made. There was also time spent with family and friends. Being surrounded by caring people left little time to grieve during a holiday, which was a good thing.
However, this Christmas is different and I feel her absence more strongly. But with this sadness, there is also joyfulness. I believe that she is celebrating Christmas with family members and friends who left before her including my father, her parents and sister and many of her special friends. I can imagine them still all gathering for their regular Saturday night gin rummy game.
Also, as mentioned in a previous post, some of her holiday decorations are being used in our apt home this year. They are treasured and will continue to be part of our Christmas decor for years to come; she will be here in spirit.
The past couple of weeks, I've spent time looking through family photos as I put together a photo album for my brother. There were many photos of my mother as she enjoyed Christmas celebrations with her family; she always had a good time.
This holiday season, if you are also missing family member(s) or special friend(s), remember the happy times spent together — and make new holiday memories to cherish.
Dorothy (aka Beatrice)