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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Be Scared, BE VERY SCARED!!!!!!

I'm not often frightened by reading the morning news, I'm a Jersey Guy. Admittedly, i have given up the printed version in favor of the online one. I find the convenience of getting all the news from all the outlets that i choose (unlike the cable conundrum of paying for 99 channels of no interest to get the two you like) is so refreshing. And yes, i have, for the most part abandoned paper calendars in preference to my iPod (someday maybe even a smartphone.) My to-do list is electronically captured and shared by no less than three devices, and i watch most tv on-line. BUT the other morning i was almost stopped in my tracks (thank goodness i was sitting in bed having my coffee) when i came across this from the Consumer Electronics Show:

Smart refrigerators that let you know when the milk is on the turn, toothbrushes that keep track of dental hygiene and tennis rackets that help you play better: Welcome to 'the Internet of Things'

The INTERNET OF EVERYTHING????????  In the past i have flirted with the idea of getting a wrist band monitor of  some sort. A more useful pedometer (i used to wear one until i realized that the silly thing was adding steps every time i twitched in my chair, sneezed, or even layer down for a therapeutic cat nap.) 
BUT the thought of my refrigerator knowing more than i was a bit unsettling. What next, milk starts to turn, the fridge contacts the dairy, text messages the cow???? And what about this, a fridge that is a transformer. Think of it. Milk goes sour, fridge texts the store, turns into a car, zips to the store drive thru, gets the milk (charging it to your supplied credit card of course), zips home and pops back to being the fridge.
Scary huh!!!!!
BUT thats not the worst.... Oh No, not by a long shot.
Turning inanimate objects into wirelessly connected devices would revolutionise the everyday lives of their owners. But could cyber attackers conceivably turn your cooker, your car or even your cardigan against you?
Now that is scary!!!!!! All those nice electronic toys turned into MONITORS!!!! Watching every move you make. Knowing everything you do. Analyzing every thought you have.
(SPECIAL NOTE: if you are from the NSA or any other similar bunch, please wipe the drool from your face right now and deposit the wipe in the supplied containers. We will analyze it momentarily)
As bad as that sounds it gets even worse. And you were just thinking "How bad could this really be?" Well, let me tell you,,,, A LOT WORSE!!!!!!!!
Smart toilets will monitor the frequency and consistency of your bowel movements, and tell you whether you ought to book an appointment with a dietician – or worse, a clinician.   
Then come the SPAMMERS......Emails up the Wazzoo for pastel colored stool softeners, auto wash and dry add ons, softer toilet paper, hygienic lifter seats, automatic colonoscopy, instant bowl cleaners (now that might be OK.)

BUT what about HACKERS????? Anonymous secretly takes control of all the toilets in the country. They all go into SUPER FLUSH, sucking the entire population to the seat. Ransom demands are texted out. Threats of a reverse super flush if payment isn't received. The devious dastardly scenarios are endless. 
Scared????? You better be..... I just put a piece of masking tape over the camera on my MacBook. I'm sure its been looking at me. Staring, smirking, plotting. 
I think i better go now. I'm sure i saw the paper shredder move. Probably has been listening to the key clicks and knows that I'm raising the alarm.... but the news is getting out:
Last year, for instance, a family in Houston, Texas found that a hacker had exploited security failings in its hi-tech baby monitor, made by the Chinese firm Foscam, to log in and begin verbally abusing the family's two-year-old, telling her she was a "little slut". Researchers recently uncovered similar vulnerabilities in a smart toilet, which can be controlled via Bluetooth using an Android smartphone app. According to the report by security firm Trustwave, hackers could cause the Inax Satis automatic toilet "to unexpectedly open/close the lid [or] activate bidet or air-dry functions, causing discomfort or distress to [the] user".
 BEWARE!!!! ROBO-POTTY
Grenville

12 comments:

Anvilcloud said...

A fund morning post, Grenville.

Catherine said...

Oh my! This post has me nervously laughing (thank you for the comic relief :)... I'm all for technology but agree a line needs to be drawn. The baby monitor story is very unsettling...

Sandra said...

i have already said to hubby over and over all this techie stuff is just to scary. there is a new weekly series that we have watched the last two weeks. it is called Intelligence and let me warn you, you will be able to write another wonderfully humorous post on the what if's of that show. thanks for my first howling with laughter post of the day. but i am SCARED...
and wait until you go for your first doc appointment of the new year, the personal questionnaire they are asking us is insane and i refused to answer a lot of the questions. the tame questions were how many times do you floss, or brush per day and how many BM you have and the rest i will not mention.

LONDONLULU said...

I love my technology too, but - yes - this would be a step too far even for me (and I'm a Jersey Gal now!:)

Montanagirl said...

Pretty crazy stuff. My husband thinks our TV is probably watching us, not the other way around! I'm disturbed about the baby monitor thing as well.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Londonlulu, as natives of NJ ourselves, we get scared when driving there to visit family and friends...and it's tough to frighten Jersey folks!

Out on the prairie said...

but where would we be without it

Rebecca said...

Guess I won't be getting a smart toilet any time soon.

A Quiet Corner said...

Now I KNOW why we moved to the woods!...:)JP

Elaine said...

Scary, yes, and basically ridiculous that these products even exist. Technology is great, until there's a power outage and nothing works. I'm all for a little old fashioned self reliance and do-it-yourself, but perhaps that's a product of living in Fairbanks, where it's a blessing to not be on the leading edge.

William Kendall said...

Very funny!

There are certain items that, sufficed to say, are best left not so smart!

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